{"id":3872,"date":"2019-10-14T07:00:40","date_gmt":"2019-10-14T15:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stylemesenseless.com\/?p=3872"},"modified":"2021-09-04T02:10:51","modified_gmt":"2021-09-04T02:10:51","slug":"tranquility-amidst-the-madness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thestarlightmystic.com\/?p=3872","title":{"rendered":"Tranquility Amidst The Madness"},"content":{"rendered":"

2019 isn’t over yet but it will easily go down as the worst year of my life. \u00a0Earlier this year, in March, I had a severe mental breakdown. The incident was so bad that I was ultimately hospitalized and wound up on anti-depressants for the first time in my life. \u00a0It all started with panic attacks that kept building in frequency and intensity. \u00a0The panic became so prevalent that I eventually stopped sleeping. \u00a0The insomnia was so severe that even a cocktail of Xanax and Ambien only granted me a few hours a night, if I was lucky. \u00a0And the lack of sleep fueled my anxiety to epic proportions. \u00a0I stopped eating. \u00a0The mere thought of food turned my stomach, and my weight dropped into the 90’s. \u00a0I was a shell of my former self and everyone around me could see it…<\/p>\n

\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-22\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-11<\/p>\n

When I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, all skin and bones and shaking uncontrollably, the head teacher felt uneasy releasing her to me. \u00a0It was mortifying, and devastating. \u00a0When our next-door-neighbor knocked on the front door she took one look at me and said, “Oh my God what’s wrong? \u00a0What happened to you?” \u00a0My sister-in-law saw the state of me over FaceTime and booked an emergency flight all the way from London to spend some time supporting me. \u00a0When I was finally referred to a psychiatrist and prescribed anti-depressants I cried hysterically. \u00a0I felt utterly defeated. \u00a0My situation was dire, and even so I resisted taking the meds until several important people in my life convinced me it might be necessary, at least for a little while.<\/p>\n

\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-38\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-32\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-53\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-59\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-56.jpg\"\"Luisa090419_BrittniMoten-109\"<\/p>\n

Fast forward to the present, just over six months later. \u00a0I’m still on anti-depressants and probably will be for another year. \u00a0I was told that my optimal course of treatment is 18-24 months so that’s what I’m aiming for. \u00a0I was also reassured that if I survived the first 33 years of my life without medication then I shouldn’t require it long-term, provided I learn better coping skills. \u00a0Which brings me to my “zen zone”. \u00a0This little outdoor project was an important part of my healing process. \u00a0Throughout the spring and early summer I struggled tremendously. \u00a0My body was adjusting to the meds, which is a complicated process, full of potential side-effects and uncertain outcomes. To top it off I was still susceptible to anxiety and moods swings, which made it difficult to settle back into normal life. I desperately needed something to keep me busy and to look forward to. \u00a0Our master bedroom has a large wall of sliding doors that open to a covered patio which overlooks the pool. \u00a0It sounds lovely but for the longest time we were using this patio to store stuff. \u00a0It looked messy and wasn’t livable. \u00a0Through my struggle I had taken up outdoor yoga and meditation to calm my mind, and I really wanted a quiet space where I could zen out. \u00a0I had a crystal clear vision for this sanctuary, and with my husband’s help we pulled it together just as I imagined. \u00a0It’s the perfect place for relaxing day or night. \u00a0In these shots I’m wearing a beautiful, flowing dress from Free People<\/a>, which really complements the setting. \u00a0It may be October, but here in So Cal our weather is in the 80’s, so a lightweight maxi is an easy outfit option. \u00a0As for my mental state, it’s something I plan to talk more about in future posts. \u00a0Shedding light on mental health is now paramount to my writing and will creep its way into many posts as time goes on.<\/p>\n\n\t\t